So I left a bit early and drove, in the rain, to the post office. In spite of the copious weather that this state generates, based on the driving speed, rain seemed to be a completely foreign element to most people on the road. So I got to the post office right at 5pm, to find the main entrance closed (looks like someone drove a truck into it). Since I had never been to this branch before, and there was no arrow pointing to the other door, I chose the wrong direction to go around the building. Then they locked the doors while I was looking for the entrance (or they locked the doors early, something else I've experienced before). So no package for me - I couldn't even arrange to have the package delivered the next day.
So the ending to the story: I picked the package up at 8am the next day, delivered it my own damn self to my kitchen table, and left it there as a treat to end the day. Stay tuned for the unveiling tomorrow!